Saturday, June 7, 2008

Thanks, Dad

The fact that Father's Day is fast approaching has nothing to do with this post. The fact that I gave my blog address to my dad this week did make the teensiest contribution.

I have written here before about a few things I'd rather my loved ones didn't know... how I still drink soda that's laced with brain damage, I mean aspartame, for instance. How I once took my husband's vintage BMW out for a spin (that was me, honey) and an entire truckload of drywall compound left a stoplight too quickly and hence dumped its load of sticky, fast-drying mess on the hood of his beloved car. Oops, I didn't write about that yet. Now I feel better.

But the truth is that my loved ones already know this stuff about me, and worse things even, and they most likely still love me. Honey?

I have written here before about a few things I'd rather complete strangers didn't know... how I occasionally enjoy a top shelf margarita (blended with salt of course; I make a mean one) or a glass of wine with or without dinner. Sometimes (well, just the once) I tell my kids they can go to bed hungry if they don't like what I cooked. Sometimes I watch (gasp) Grey's Anatomy and I OFTEN read things that don't come close to meeting the bar of literature or hard news. Blogs, for example (just kidding! Y'all are writing some fine literature.).

And the truth about this is that my readers will either laugh with relief, because they're not perfect either, or they'll click away to a more perfect blogger. Please don't.

I'm just doing my best to share the things that are on my mind. I hope you'll do the same.

So after I gave my blog address to my dad -- and he had been asking for it for about a month -- he called me up to say: "This is your private stuff. I don't want to read about this." [Then my dad went on to say that it goes without saying that my writing is good, always has been, blah, blah, blogworthy not.]

Well... um... hate to disappoint, but this blog is not my private stuff, any more than Grey's Anatomy is Masterpiece Theater. That is certainly not to say that my private thoughts and writings are all PBS and highbrow, either. I know, you're surprised, hunh?

For years and years, before I understood what an icon might be, I looked up to an iconic author. Nonfiction, fiction, theology, journals, poetry. I could swim in L'Engle's writings. And I've felt like I knew her, when of course I didn't. There are others: Anne Lamott, Grace Paley. I wonder what those women would have done with a blog? (A-hem. Anne, if you're blogging, I'm gonna go Google it in a minute.)

I don't know how to put the deeper stuff out there. I don't really know how to be funny, or philosophical, and I don't really know how to be anything other than I've been so far. I don't know how to share the "private stuff" and still walk around as a semblance of me. I'd like to, because I have so deeply appreciated the brave people who do, and I want to emulate them. But that stuff is, well, private. And I may not be good enough with words to put the required distance between my heart and the keyboard. And then it might not be worth reading anyway. Hmm.

I'll keep you posted.


Ei said...

Sigh...I think writing IS personal, mostly. Art of any kind is PERSONAL, that is why it hurts so much when it gets bagged. Why I love this Anna Nalick tune.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

Hi FS's dad. Your girl writes real nice prose, thanks for doing such a good job with her.

Anonymous said...

ahh yes.. I don't think anyone reads my blog.. family that is... not because it's personal.. not sure if they want to know anything kwim? writing is personal .. it's who we are and how we express ourselves, and yet we can have so much more fun with it than just being us.. if that makes any sense (yes, I am very sporatic in my mental space hehe.. rabbit holes galore!)

I hope your father peeks more at your blog than you know!
Happy weekend!

Barb said...

Don't you think that we all do some sort of editing in what we choose to reveal? I don't think any of us can reveal our deepest selves because when we do, we give some of our magic away.

But I will say that my mother hated the idea of reading my blog at first. Now she loves it.

Shabby Olde Potting Shed said...

WOW; true heartstrings.
To me.... writing is -- Personal, public, ummm... deep....sometimes shallow, real, fake, hidden, and often so real it's right beneath our own noses?
I have a feeling an incredible relationship could happen for you with your Dad asking for your blog address. I am envious. I lost my angel Mother not long ago who was my very best friend besides my Jesus, and husband... and my Dad? is still living but... he is my birth Father... not my Dad. I pray WONDERFUL things for you and yours.
I can tell that your Dad is incredibly blessed to call you daughter.

Mokihana said...

I agree that all writing is personal; we may choose to edit what we put down for all the world to see, but it's still personal.

My family doesn't read my blog; I would actually love it if they did. I think it's just that they have very busy lives. They will read it if I send them a link, and they're very complimentary when I do. As far as I'm concerned, if you want to know me better, read my blog.

Chickie Momma said...

You'll always be a perfect blogger to me! I love reading your stuff... don't stop!

Farm Chick said...

Well, I am so glad that you gave me the address to your blog!

I love to read the things I don't get to see everyday. To see you through your words, is an amazing thing.....

Thanks for sharing with me!

You know my momma reads my blog!