Monday, June 16, 2008

Make Lemonade

I have been so in the depths of despair. I may even be suffering from some sort of personality disorder which causes me to only blog when I can think of something not suicidal positive to say, because I have been pretty sure no one wanted to hear about my doldrums. So I just keep up the cute-cute scrapbook, farm family adorability factor (blogwise, anyhow).

And everything is really fine.

I am truly glad it's summer break. Friday I had 17 kids (counting my four, but still) swarming our property. Friday night we entertained around our firepit. Saturday I cried out CABIN FEVER and was excited to go on the jaunt through neighboring farm communities while we ostensibly sought garage sales.

Sunday we celebrated Father's Day in the way the EGE most likes: staying home. Well, we didn't stay home exactly, but we didn't get in the car either. We walked to church. Sarah treated the entire family to ice cream after we walked to the General Store. Madeleine baked a carrot cake. We walked to a neighbor's for sitting-on-the-lawn time. The EGE installed a new latch on the chicken run gate.

Today I put Laura down for her morning nap, fixed breakfast for the big girls, and then spent more than an hour in my garden, pulling suspicious seedlings and watering while the horses hung over the garden fence, perplexed at my inattention. I fed the animals (horses included) and watered the flowers out front. I didn't even take my phones with me, so you know I was seeking some peace and quiet.

More than quiet, I am looking for that lost peace. I know I put it somewhere, but I can't quite think where. Was it in the garden? Up at the school? Or, I know, buried in the flotsam and jetsam of the Suburban floor.

There is nothing wrong. So why does it feel like I'm making lemonade?


Ei said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry things are feeling lemony. I know I always hit a slump this time of year...I convince myself that summer "break" means some kind of slowing down, taking it easy, and it really doesn't ever seem to work that way. Is it something like that? Anyway, your pictures are so beautiful, as always, and I hope you'll find that bit of peace you misplaced. Maybe you left it in your winter jacket?

Barb said...

Hey, did I miss the post where you got your camera fixed?

Dude, I think that as much as we love our lives parenting these kids of ours, as much as we wouldn't trade a minute (except the ones we wish we'd handled better), as much as we are afraid that if we complain we will appear ungrateful and unworthy of our blessings... as much as all that, it's just HARD being everyone's go-to person. Even when we know this time is fleeting. Even when we KNOW.

I'm battling a funk, too. I think it's mostly because I feel invisible to everyone around me, unless they need me to cook something. Clean something. Drive them somewhere. Wasn't there a point when I thought this was all a lot more fun?

Hang in there. --Barb

Farm Chick said...

You sour puss! Snap out of it will ya?!?