Thursday, April 25, 2013

Aiming to please

 Are you a people pleaser?
I think I am, most of the time, striving to please until I am finally, really, truly not. (That would be the moment when my inner toddler throws her tantrum that sounds something like "you can't maaaaaa-aaake me.")
Do you want to make the people you love comfortable and the people you know happy and to be perfectly honest, do you want to make the people you've never met like you? And then is there a line that can be crossed when you realize it's all impossible, anyway, and so goodnessgraciousme what to do?
 It's okay if it's only me.
 Just wondering.
When I am my most vulnerable I am also my most teachable, so there's the silver lining.
Whether or not folks like me, whether or not I can please all the people any of the time, I am learning to like myself a little better when I find myself worthy of consideration in the equation of happiness.

We could be talking about what to make for dinner or where to live or how to invest your time/money/knowledge: to be pleasing is not nearly as important as to be after the right priorities. Saying "yes" to every request will lead me to certain failure on multiple fronts. It's harder at the beginning but ever so much easier as you go.

I have been saying my "yeses" at home to: gardening, pony pursuits, school and dance schedules, meeting our neighbors. I have been answering "no" to joining new (church, non-profit, writing critique) groups, and "no" to writing for new (but worthy!) causes.

I'm pretty pleased with myself.

What do you say "no" to? Or do you?

1 comment:

BLD in MT said...

I had to say no to being on the board of a very worthwhile environmental group because I knew I didn't have the time to commit in a way that would fulfil me and improve the group. It was hard because I like the cause and I like the people who asked me. But, in the end I knew it was right at this moment to say no.

I am not so good at saying no....but I try...and I think I am getting better.

Good on you for you blend of yes and no. That is what life is, I suppose, a balance of this things we say yes to and the things we say no to. And it can be so hard to choose.

I am saying yes to taking the time for daily yoga which helps my arthritis, for gardening which feeds my body, for reading a lot which feeds my mind, and going to the mountains this weekend to feed my spirit.