Friday, February 10, 2012

Building Valentines

Today I made a pile of happy little scraps.

Partly because today I am missing the old.

Isn't it funny how we (I?) so easily romanticize what's left behind?
Beauty is here, and now, and also in remembrance of what was good but is gone.

It's good to reflect on past prettiness and it's, I think,
even better to pick up those scraps and stitch a prettier future.

Fourteen Valentine's Days ago we lost our first baby and the devastation was exactly that -- immobilizing, personally tragic and as heartbreaking as anything I ever care to experience again.

I remember dwelling, then, on our marriage vows and the "for better, for worse" part, 
sure that day and the days that followed it qualified as worse.

Before that Valentine's Day I was in love with the holiday, in love with expressions of affection and the celebration of friendships and romance to which the day lends authority.

I tend to wear pink and red year-round.

But on that day, and for a couple of years after that, Valentine's Day had more than a shadow of sadness.
I know that many people struggle with holidays. I didn't really understand it until then, and I would venture to say that while I'm not going to be glad for that loss I can be grateful for the compassion the pain brought me.

Happy Valentine's Day, Friends. 
I hope your roses are red, your future is a patchwork of prettinesses, and your beauty is true.


Anonymous said...

My mother also lost a child on Valentines Day. My baby brother died at three months old, I was 7 and I remember it like yesterday. Thank you for sharing your history and future with all of us.

Alexis said...

What an emotional piece for me to read! I am grateful you shared that bit of your heart.

Alexis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alexis said...

Deleted because I posted the same comment twice :D

Margo said...

Thank you for sharing that. I can't imagine how hard that must have been to lose your first baby. . . hugs to you.

Barb said...

I had no idea. Love and blessings on you.