Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Growing (Up)

I have a bad habit of practicing negative self-talk.

And isn't "self-talk" a 1990s flashback all of its own? My furniture may not date me but my vocabulary does. My wardrobe may not date me, but my husband does. (What on Earth? Am I just here to amuse myself with silly non sequiturs? Evidently so.)
Back to the way I smack-talk my ownself.
Here are some of my famous internal dialogues (also filed under "talking to oneself," not an outdated concept but crazy-indicating nonetheless):
Being a grownup s*cks.
What can I possibly do about this?
My give-a-d*mn's busted. (Apologies to some unknown country western songwriter for that one.)
Does anyone else notice in those examples that I tend to swear at my ownsorryself? I rarely IF EVER swear out loud, but I feel free to use such language in my inner thoughts. So it's all poisoned-like by the lazy-*ss foul language (crude words are a sign of a lazy mind, my gramma always said). PLUS it's negative and not in any way helpful to the human race, myself particularly.
So here I face the end of my 30s with a choice to talk to myself more nicely. To think about my self, my situation, much more positively. Does this seem trite? Do you do the same? Do you possess apparently infinite patience and kindness for your children, your loved ones, your random postal worker, and nearly none for your self?
I think at the odd moment about improvement to my body and my finances and my home and garden. Is it somehow narcissistic to think of improvement to the way we, as mothers mostly and women surely, to think of improvement in the way we cultivate our own inner dialogue? Is it self-centered? Any more so than we ought to be?
(As an aside to a reader in Germany spending hours downloading all manner of pictures: Whether you are a weird stalker or whatever, I think you should speak to yourself nicely too even if you are not a mom or even a woman. Maybe then you can stop obsessing about other people's photos. Look inside yourself, for the love of google!)
For a very, very late 2009 resolution I choose to grow up. I choose to be as positive on the inside as I so easily am on the outside.
Anyone else? Or feel free to keep it to yourself if you like. It's a personal thing I suppose, even if I did expose it on the world wide web.
Let's talk nicely to ourselves. Let's get our give a darn back. I heard it's the new trend.


HonuGirl said...

You are not alone... I most certainly I creep into that dark place as well.

"I commit to supporting myself with positive words ~ at least half as many as I would have said to a friend in the same situation."

I believe in YOU...

You care so much about people...

You are a valiant, compassionate, & fabulous person!

Your gift with words always blesses my heart...

YOU are a strong, beautiful, amazing, wonderful woman {mom/wife/sister/daughter} and - to me - an incredible friend!

ILU Miriam

Carolyn said...

It's something I have to decide to do constantly. Until a few weeks ago I was on a roll. But the shadows crept back in.

Today I am going to turn the light back on!

Great post.

QuiltedSimple said...

I do the same thing CONSTANTLY...which I am trying so hard to change.

Grumpy Momma said...

Ooohhhh....I don't even always have positive talk-thoughts for the ones I love most, I'm afraid. Though I rarely voice the negativity, I'd like to have more positive thinking every which way.

I liked this post, too.